NC HOUSE ANNOUNCES HB 2.1

Raleigh, N.C. - Addressing local residents' concerns about transgender individuals using bathrooms that do not correspond to their sex at birth, the North Carolina house has met to discuss a new provision of the already controversial House Bill 2. This addendum to the law would require a government worker to pat down any individual entering a bathroom in a government building.

The rationale behind the measure is to prevent transgender individuals who do not appear to be transgender from entering bathrooms that do not correspond with both their genitalia and the sex indicated on their birth certificate. These individuals will be granted access to bathrooms in their own homes and special public facilities. Public transgender restrooms are expected to have air horns and klaxons around the entrances, which will sound an alarm every time a person who does not identify with their birth sex enters.
“The 'genitalia check' is an extension of freedom and privacy to all North Carolinians who do not want to share bathrooms with transgender people,” commented Governor Pat McCrory, one of the bill's sponsors. He continued, “We should have to go the bathroom with a bunch of freaks and weirdos. What's next? Sharing bathrooms with the atheists?”

In an attempt to mitigate fears of the new bathroom monitors “abusing their power” or “molesting people,” McCrory explained that these would be screened to make certain that they are both white and male, and thereby, “above suspicion.”

“North Carolina is First in Freedom,” said McCrory, “Now, I believe that there is a freedom to and a freedom from. Transgender individuals are free to use the bathroom in their own homes, away from the rest of us, and all of us regular, working Americans should be free from having to go to the bathroom in the same place as someone who may not be like us.”