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| The TV show "Old Enough" has a new cast! |
(Washington, DC) In what some would call a vulgar display of power, Elon Musk's DOGE team has returned to a number of government buildings, brandishing permission slips from their parents. These signed pieces of paper indicate that the boys' parents have consented to their sons entering secure areas to perform duties ambiguously defined as, "computer stuff." Cries for transparency, accountability, and oversight flood in from senior government officials, the press, and the US citizenry. In response to this, Edward Coristine had this to say:
"If they don't like it, they'll have to take that up with my mommy. Just, uh, don't, um, tell her that they, ah, call me... Big Balls. She'll take my phone away again. I hate that."
House democrats called the move unorthodox but also asked if the various mothers were amenable to a midterm election challenge, citing that they could not find anything legally prohibiting the move. When pressed, lawmakers produced the same rule book that allowed for the dog to play basketball in "Air Bud." Senate Majority Leader, John Thune, had this to say:
"We're very proud of these boys. They have tied their shoelaces very tight, engaged in fair play, and are good sports. It's incredible that the left-wing, mainstream media continues to present their actions as anything other than their best efforts. What are we telling our children, that their best isn't good enough? I have personally seen them trying very hard, and that needs to be rewarded with praise, not transparency."
Neither President Trump nor Elon Musk were available for comment, as they were in a private meeting, where it is rumored that they are comparing penis sizes. Matt Gaetz has asked the DOGE team if they can introduce him to any of their classmates' younger siblings.
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